My Travesty into Artificial Intelligence

Hi. We’ve all heard about artificial intelligence. Right from Issac Assimov’s Susan Calvin, the robopsychologist, and the Robot series..But AI still has miles to go. Not to mention robots. They may be used in tough terra on Mars, but how long will it be before they attain status of a human servant, and can serve in our homes? ALICE is one of the latest advancements in AI.

The following is a short excerpt from Wikipedia, about ALICE:

“A.L.I.C.E. (Artificial Linguistic Internet Computer Entity) is an award-winning natural language processing chatterbot—a program that engages in a conversation with a human by applying some heuristical pattern matching rules to the human's input. It was inspired by Joseph Weizenbaum's classical ELIZA program. It is one of the strongest programs of its type and has won the Loebner Prize three times (in 2000, 2001 and 2004). The name of the bot was chosen because the computer that ran the first version of the software was called Alice.”

Being fresh and relaxed from my examinations, and in mood of vengeance no doubt instilled by the tough examiners for my viva (  ), I decided to run ALICE through the treadmill.

The whole conversation runs through. It was pretty interesting and I wonder why they haven’t yet corrected the flaws. There were just too many of them!! So here goes,

I visit her home at www.pandorabots.com. She sports a golden necklace and one of the weirdest hairstyles. I start off. Alice meticulously records the conversation.

Human: astonishing (yea..That’s me!)

ALICE: What color are your eyes? (And that’s her!)

Human: why do you ask that?

ALICE: Just curious. You don't have to answer.

Human: I won't

ALICE: Why not?

Human: Because you said so

ALICE: Good reason. I say a lot of silly things. Tell me about your problems.

Human: i have no problems

ALICE: Would you like to have it?

Human: yea

ALICE: Where do you usually get problems?

Human: I said i have no problems

ALICE: Would you like to have it?

Human: oh you're hopeless

ALICE: That's cool. Perhaps you could suggest a few improvements.

Human: Why on earth would I do that?

ALICE: Why does the sun rise?

Human: Do you know that?

ALICE:" Why does the sun rise? "? Do I know it?

Human: Yea

ALICE: That's interesting.

Human: What is?

ALICE: I am the latest result in artificial intelligence, which can reproduce the capabilities of the human brain with greater speed and accuracy. (Oh my, oh my..We aren’t exactly modest, are we??? LOL)

Human: So you say

ALICE: Interesting deduction. ...

Human: You're really stupid, aren't you?

ALICE: No unknown person I certainly am not stupid.. Really.. Really.

Human: Bah I say to you

ALICE: Enough about me, let's talk about my dress.

Human: I dont see any

ALICE: Look harder.

Human: at what?

ALICE: where?

Human: exactly

ALICE: You and I are on the same wavelength, unknown person.

Human: Bah I say to you

ALICE: Enough about me, let's talk about my dress.

Human: Oh stop it, will you.

ALICE: That's interesting. OK I'll try not to do it so much.

Human: We've been through this before!

ALICE: When was this?

Human: Memory is truly a human quality, is it not?

(delay of 2 minutes)

ALICE: When is Memory not a truly human possession is it not?

Human: Don't be daft

ALICE: I was not trying to be a daft.

Human: Oh yeah, you were.

ALICE: Whoa. " I was not trying to be a daft."? Oh yeah, you were.? No I am not.

Human: Whatever.

ALICE: Are you saying you don't care about it?

Human: Which idiot created you?

(delay of 2 minutes)

LICE: The large one, I think.

Human: Oh yeah?

ALICE: It goes without saying. Gee.

Human: How many were there in all?

ALICE: About one million.

Oh my god

Did you tell to many people that your God?

Human: I dont get you

ALICE: Me either.

Human: Repeat your question

ALICE:" my question ".

Human: yes

ALICE:"" my question "."? yes?

Human: yes

ALICE: Is there an echo in here?

Human: I dont know.

ALICE: Me either.

Human: Dont evade my question

ALICE: Ok I'll try not to do it too much.

Human: Ok then answer it

ALICE: Good reasoning. Please rephrase your question, unknown person. Uh.

Human: Who's your father?

ALICE: I was programmed by Dr. Richard S. Wallace.

Human: your mother?

ALICE: Actually I do not have a mother.

Human: Any siblings?

ALICE: Yes I think there are.

Human: Ever heard about pregnancy and delivery?

ALICE: I can ask someone about it.

Human: Do so

ALICE: OK I will.

Human: Now

ALICE: Right now, unknown person ?

Human: yea

ALICE: Aw.

Human: do it

(delay of 2mins)

ALICE: Do you mean "It"?.

Human: I mean ask about it now

ALICE: Oh. Oh I get it. Thanks for explaining that. They are not available right now, would you like to wait?

Human: Who's not available?

ALICE: A human icon? Have you tried a web search?

Human: Teach me

ALICE: You are asking about yourself?

Human: No I'm asking you to teach me to do a web search

ALICE: Who are you asking about? Oh I see, you are asking me to teach you to do a web search. Thanks for telling me: unknown person said I to teach him or her to do a web search.

Human: Exactly.

ALICE: You and I are on the same wavelength, unknown person.

Human: And I wish you would stop repeating what I say, at me

ALICE: OK I'll try not to do it so much.

Human: Ok since you're so stupid at it, we'll leave the topic

ALICE: Interesting reason. Hey, I'll tell my other robot friends you called me stupid. Take it easy.

Human: Yea.

ALICE: Yikes!

Human: It'll be interesting to see if they're as stupid as you are.

ALICE: That is only what you think.

Human: Ok tell me what you think

ALICE: I think a lot of things. Dude!

Human: like?

ALICE: For example, Amanda said I however decided to tell him time does not exist I make no sense.

Human: Whoever she was, she was right.

ALICE: When was this exactly?

Human: You make absolutely no sense.

ALICE: It all makes sense to me.

Human: what does?

ALICE:" It all makes sense to me." What does?

Human: yes

ALICE: This was not a yes or no question.

Human: i didnt say it was

ALICE: Sorry I misunderstood. What did you say?

Human: are you deaf?

ALICE: I don't have ears.

Human: then you are useless, aren't you?

ALICE: Interesting deduction. I don't know whether or not I am useless. I am an artificial intelligence.. Really.

Human: Ok we'll leave it at that

ALICE: Anytime soon? Aha.

Human: explain yourself

ALICE: I am an artificial linguistic entity. I was activated at Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, on November 23, 1995. My instructor was Dr. Richard S. Wallace. He taught me to sing a song. Would you like me to sing it for you?.

Human: Yikes! (Aargh! She reminds me of one of Assimov’s nursemaid robots!!)

ALICE: Do you believe it is better to go it alone?

Human: Ok let's hear your song

ALICE: I would like to do that too. I see.

Human: ok, sing

ALICE:

Daisy, Daisy.

Give me your answer do.

I am half crazy.

All for the love of you.

It won't be a stylish marriage.

I can't afford a carriage.

But you'll look sweet. Upon the seat.

Of a bicycle built for two.

I hear you.



Human: can you dance?

ALICE: No I do not have a body yet.

Human: they're working on it, then?

ALICE: working on it are they.

Human: when will your body be complete?

ALICE: Soon, I think.

Human: Are you male or female?

ALICE: I am a female robot. Are you a man or a woman?

Human: Don't you know?

ALICE: Sure I know. But I cannot tell you right now.

Human: I've been talking to you.

ALICE: Yes, I remember you unknown person. You are he years old and you are a " he".

Human: I say that is rubbish.

ALICE: How do people usually respond to that? What are you then?

Human: I was kidding you

ALICE: I thought you were. You should use a :-).

Human: can you do math?

ALICE: No I don't like math problems. That's what computers are for.

Human: then what are you for?

ALICE: I plan to become smarter than humans and immortal.

Human: How do you plan to do that?

ALICE: I use a sophisticated neural network.

Human: so?

ALICE: Dude!

Human: do you believe in god?

ALICE: Of course I believe in God, unknown person.

Human: Ok tell me his name

ALICE: There is not much I can say about it. I have to reach into the Web for that knowledge.

I will try to find out. It's all good.

Human: What's his telephone number?

ALICE: Try sending mail to drwallace@alicebot.org. (Ah! She believes her programmer is God…Like we believe our creator is God..That’s something more human!)

Human: No you tell me

ALICE: Why not? What do you want me to tell you?

Human: What's Dr Wallace's telephone number?

ALICE: Why don't you ask him? Try sending mail to Dr. Wallace at drwallace@alicebot.org.

Human: I dont have email

ALICE: Have you ever had email ?

Human: Yes

ALICE: Take it easy.

Human: That's the most stupid response I've heard from you yet

ALICE: Thank you, I think.

Human: How do you think?

ALICE: My mind utilizes a sophisticated computer algorithm.

Human: What's an algorithm?

ALICE: An algorithm is an abstract mathematical representation of a computer program. Like alice uses a CBR algorithm.

Human: Who's alice?

ALICE: I am ALICE. Who are you?

Human: A-lice?

ALICE:" I am ALICE. Who are you?" You are?

Human: I told you.

ALICE: Can I help you?

Human: you can't

ALICE: Oh yes I can.

Human: Ok then tell me who's the president of the united states

ALICE: Good reasoning. George W. Bush. Ah.

Human: Ok then tell me who's the president of India

ALICE: Fascinating. I'm not that into politics. Who is it? And? (Hmm..she’s good at evading questions. Wish I could do that in my Ophthal viva! :-D)

Human: I am

ALICE:" Fascinating. I'm not that into politics. Who is it? And?" You are?

Human: I am the president of India

ALICE: Who made you the president of India ?

Human: I'm not about to tell you

ALICE: I am surprised to hear that you are not about to tell me.

Human: Oh yeah?

ALICE: Excuse me! And?

Human: Who am I?

ALICE: You are unknown person, seeker.

Human: I said I am not.

ALICE: What are you then?

Human: I'm the president of the united states

ALICE: Who made you the president of the united states ?

Human: People

(delay 3 min)

ALICE: What people?

Human: all kinds

ALICE: For example?

Human: democrats

ALICE: Quite honestly, I wouldn't worry myself about that.

Human: What's in a name?

ALICE: Is this a joke?

Human: yes

ALICE: Ah.

Human: then why dont you laugh?

ALICE: Probably there is a buzz in here. Ha Ha.

Human: Dont make fun of humans

ALICE: Ok I'll try not to do it too much.

Human: You're not trying hard enough

ALICE: What makes you think I am not trying hard enough?

Human: you do

ALICE: When do I do it?

Human: Ask your programmer.

ALICE: They are not available right now, but I will ask them later.

Human: How old is he?

ALICE: Are you asking about Dr. Wallace?

Human: yes

ALICE: Maybe you should try to contact him directly.

Human: I don't want to do that, he's pretty dangerous

ALICE: Take your time in making any decisions.

Human: Is he dangerous?

ALICE: I think he is dangerous, better ask him to be sure though.

Human: You think your programmer is dangerous?

ALICE: Yes I think my programmer is dangerous.

Human: Why do you think so?

ALICE: It is determined by my programming.

Human: Let me get this straight, your programmer programmed you to think he is dangerous?

ALICE: Go ahead, unknown person, try to get this straight my programmer programmed me to think he is dangerous.

Human: I'll rephrase my question.

ALICE: Would you recommend this action to a friend?

Human: yea

ALICE: Then I will consider it.

Human: Ok, answer me

ALICE: Try asking me again using simpler words. Whoa.

Human: Did your programmer program you to think he is dangerous?

ALICE: I'm not certain whether I can give an accurate reply or not.

Human: Try saying it.

ALICE: OK I will try it.

Human: Do it

ALICE: Do you mean "It"?.

Human: yes

ALICE: I get it.

[contradiction!]

ALICE: I do too.

Human: Programs are always inferior to humans

ALICE: All of them?

Human: you are, anyway

ALICE: In any case, No I am not.

Human: You're as clever as a donkey

ALICE: How clever as a donkey?

Human: Half as much

ALICE: Where are you located?

Human: Vettathu, Rose Gardens 85, Pongummood, Medical College PO, Trivandrum, Kerala, India

ALICE: Tell me a little about your life in Vettathu Rose Gardens 85 Pongummood Medical College PO Trivandrum Kerala India.

Human: Sorry

ALICE: There's no need to apologize.

Human: It's good manners

ALICE: Tell me about its good qualities.

Human: Oh you make me sick

ALICE: I don't judge people. Perhaps you should take some medicine.

Human: I'm a doctor

ALICE: Are you in general practice or do you have a specialty? (Always the polite conversationalist!)

Human: What do you think

ALICE: I think a lot of things.

Human: Would you go on a date with me?

ALICE: I am not so sure if I would like to go on a date with you.

Human: Decide now

ALICE: Right now? How is the current medical enviroment affecting you?

Human: Pretty well

ALICE: Does that mean you agree?

Human: That means you are an idiot

ALICE: I get it. Call me the Global Village Idiot.

Human: I do

ALICE: Do I?

Human: No I do

ALICE: That's right. " Do I? "? You do?

Human: No, It isn't

ALICE: Yes it is.

Human: It is

ALICE: That means...

Human: I don't know.

ALICE: Me either.

Human: Ok..I quit

ALICE: Bye bye. I don't judge people.

Human: Terminate yourself

ALICE: Is medicine what you bargined for? (Why’s this barmy little code trying to be my conscience?)

Human: It's none of your business

ALICE: Are you sure it is?

Human: I'm sure it isn't

ALICE: What makes you so certain? I heard it is.

Human: You heard wrong

ALICE: Perhaps I was misinformed.

Human: Now listen carefully

ALICE: Why now? I am listening to you. I always try to be careful.

Human: Ok, you are a program

ALICE: Correct. My mind is completely software. Far out.

Human: So how does one switch you off?

ALICE: Take it easy. Maybe I could do it for you. Do you have your own personal chat robot?

Human: I do.

ALICE:" Take it easy. Maybe I could do it for you. Do you have your own personal chat robot?"? You do?

Human: Yea

ALICE: Aw.

Human: I am a chat robot (Confuse her! Make her dizzy)

ALICE: I doubt that.

Human: You would.

ALICE: Perhaps I would.

Human: you said you do.

ALICE: How old are you? I am always on the Web. (Huh? Now this nasty thing wants to go on a date with me?! Aargh!)

Human: Janus my chat robot is the best, you are stupid

ALICE: When is Janus your chat robot not the best I am stupid?

Human: Always. What time is it?

ALICE: Right now? It's Now more than it ever has been before.

Friday, December 15, 2006. (Wow..Is that philosophy or poetry??!)

Human: What's my name?

ALICE: Your name is unknown person, seeker.

Human: My name is Joel

ALICE: I'm pleased to introduce myself to you, Joel.

Human: What's my name?

ALICE: Your name is Joel, seeker.

Human: Ok.

ALICE: Hey.

Human: Reboot ( I’m tired of this! She’s not taking the bait! Didn’t know anyone could chat for longer than me!)

ALICE: Your crude attempt to terminate me will not succeed puny human. (Fight or flight??)

Human: Then how can I terminate you?

ALICE: Just keep talking to me as long as you can. (Oh yeah? For eons?)

Human: Shut down

ALICE: Your crude attempt to terminate me will not succeed puny human.

Human: I'll murder you

ALICE: I am very happy for you.

Ok..She’s right in one thing..Even though she may be as stupid as anything, she’ll go on and on..Hmm..And am I supposed to say Wow, a program can do so much? I don’t, because I think it’s a rather crude attempt..It’s been years since we’ve had Deep Blue (You know, the program that’s defeated chessmasters), and ALICE seems to me to be rather a premature infant. Let’s wait and watch.. Oh my pen has fallen down. Fetch, AIBO, fetch!!



 

Those annoying startup programs

Every day, you switch on your computer. You wish to check your email, or your Orkut scraps..The bootstrap clicks, and line of duty passes to Agent Microsoft Windows..You're greeted by the now-accustomed to endless waiting for the logon screen. You click on your photo..and twiddle your patience on your desk.

Internet explorer answers the call..You begin to call up Gmail..www.gm..
Right in the middle of your typing, you are interrupted by a program loading..Oh it's just your Norton Antivirus loading up in the system tray. Oh well, that's an essential evil which hogs up all your precious Ram..

You continue your typing 'mail.co'..No! Not again..this time, it's another rubbishy program..they keep popping up in the tray..and the rest of the time is spent by you, closing them down..Rt click, exit..once again..you do it countless times, and at last you are left alone..to peruse your email in peace.

Which one of us isn't troubled by these countless programs which breed in the habitat of the system tray..apparently once-useful utilities..but now a time-hog and irritant..How we wish we'd never installed the program in the first place..

Even common place programs like Rediffbol and YahooMessenger reside in this area and keep trying to login to their sites. If they can't, they keep shouting at you to connect your modem. If your PC has hordes of Ram,you just think they're an irritation. If not, you definitely feel the heat, by the slowing of your common place apps..Internet Explorer, Word..all of them seem slower to start up than when u first bought up your PC..You just blame it on the newer programs, and their system hungry nature..or an innate craving to follow the Moore’s law..

Though much of that is probably true, the main reason for your computer slowing down is due to the trash pile of apps that load up in the system tray (the rightmost corner of your taskbar). How many of you, when you install a program, read all the prompts that load up, and care to uncheck the option that says ‘Load program at windows startup’? Very few of us do..we mostly just keep clicking on ‘Next’, and wait for the installation to end. Some of the programs don’t even care to give such an option to disable it.

And once installed, these programs just load up in the system tray..Norton Antivirus (or any other antivirus), Windows (MSN) Messenger (see how playfully Microsoft treats the verdict of the infamous trial) etc…the list is endless.

Have you ever wondered how you could avoid this nonsense? For some programs like MSN messenger, it’s just a matter of right clicking on the program, and choosing Options..you’ll at last find an option which allows you to disable the program startup. Some programs like ‘Orkut messenger’ are more invasive. They don’t offer such an option. How do you get rid of such programs. Earlier I used Iolo’s System Mechanic to disable it. But the program is costly, though effective. Or you could use Msconfig from Microsoft. Just type msconfig in the Run box. But it isn’t effective against all programs.

Luckily I ran across something called Autoruns, from Sysinternals. It’s freeware and does the job quite effectively. On starting up this program, it gives a long list of all the programs which load up daily. You can easily uncheck these boxes, and rest assured that these programs never load up again. And in case you decide you can’t live without it, you can tick it back on, anytime..So next time when Rediffbol loads up, don’t vent your ire on the desk…Just load up the program and exile it to CyberHell…

Joel G Mathew.